Long time no write, Catnip Chronicles readers! The Raz here, senior Spokescat for The Fab Five Felines plus Antonio - he's sort of like that "other Beatle" - an honorary member. He's a pretty cool cat, even though he does tend to land himself in "situations" that have been known to send our human roomie scrambling for the Xanax. Like the time he was escorted home by the local police late one night - but that's another tale.

My esteemed feline colleagues and I have had our paws full the past several months raising three kittens. You think this is easy? Kittens are crazy! We have to keep a vigilant eye on them every second they're awake. If it wasn't for us, they'd be sticking their little paws into electrical sockets or leaping off the balcony, or eating pencils, or mauling the house plants… Actually one - or more likely a three-way collaboration - DID chew diana's cell phone charger cord in half; no harm done except to the phone charger. It died.

One of our roomie's many inexplicable aberrations is a taste for modern country music - living with humans DOES require some sacrifices on our part. I heard a song on the radio one day by a dude named Billy Currington called "People are Crazy". No arguments from me there, but I thought a slight adjustment to his lyrics "God is Great, Beer is Good, and People Are Crazy" better suited our purrsonal situation. The "kittens" versus "people" part is obvious, and our roomie is more into the grape than the hops, thus the beverage change in my article's title.

The Fab Five are old paws at this fostering kitten business. A couple years ago, diana brought home a scrap of fur about the size of a rat. With some help from diana, we managed to turn a sickly scrawny kit into a beautiful Cinderella, who eventually moved on to her happily ever after home with her own Prince Charming cat. However, this was Antonio's first experience with kittens, so along with imparting our feline wisdom to the little ones, we had to "train him up" as well. Think teaching a teenage human male proper handling of an infant - yowl!

The kittens have now gone through that Rite of Passage known as spay/neuter and are ready to scamper off to homes of their own. Thanks to us, they're all cat-friendly and well schooled in respect for their elders. Despite their mythological names (I'd have gone with something Egyptian, in honor of the great Egyptian Cat Goddess Bast, but diana invoked her executive right of veto), they're happy, playful, energetic and lovely kits.

So, you might wonder why are they still residing at the Hanshaw Hilton instead of their own happily ever after homes? We encountered a few little glitches.

Venus, a pretty tabby tux, is as beautiful and purrfect as her namesake. At the first touch of a human hand her little motor starts revving into high gear. I've tried to teach her to hold back a bit, make them work for that purr a little harder, but she just doesn't get it. She lacks the "coy" gene. A minor flaw; I'll let it pass.

Apollo, our sturdy fluffy orange boy, is a sweet gentle soul who wouldn't hiss at a Rottweiler - but he's painfully shy around humans. diana is better qualified than we to address this particular social issue and has made significant progress in the past couple weeks.

Our tiniest girl, Pandora, has a medical issue neither we, nor the vets, nor diana have YET been able to resolve. All symptoms point towards Irritable Bowel Disease (IBD). To put this in terms you humans can relate to, we "normal" cats poop "Tootsie Rolls" - Pandora poops "chocolate pudding". Ready for that diet now?? (Sorry, the Evil Gargoyle made me say that!)

We cats don't tend to obsess over our physical problems like humans do, but that doesn't mean they aren't serious and need to be addressed. The cuisine here at Hanshaw Hilton has undergone some radical changes in the last month, mainly for Pandora's sake, but it's been good for the rest of us too! Dry food has pretty much disappeared from the menu and raw, organically grown chicken introduced, mixed with our regular wet food. Guess what - we LIKE it! We've even caught our own Ms. Melody - a die-hard dry food fanatic - actually nibbling at our new yummy moist food, though if asked, she'd probably deny it. Females!

If you think about it, our feral friends and Big Cat cousins do NOT have a Kibble Café at every street corner or Banyan tree. Dry food is not indigenous to our species - warm, wet freshly killed meat IS. Yeah, I know that's kinda gross to humans, but it is what it is - deal with it. With no other source of food (or even WITH, if opportunity arises), our natural instinct is to kill and eat mice, moles, birds, squirrels…Sure, picking through bones and feathers is a hassle, but a cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do. Think about this too - dry food is not natural to MOST warm blooded animal species! It's man-made to provide relatively inexpensive food for our animal companions who LOVE it (naturally - it's sprayed with animal fat) - but has little to no nutritional value for us. Canned wet food comes closest to imitating what we'd eat in the wild. It's a canned food jungle out there though - trying to find a good quality food without a lot of fillers and grains our bodies aren't even able to process, can be a hassle for our personal shoppers. Me, I dream of the day a plain ol' 100% mouse food appears on the market, but given human squeamishness regarding mice, I don't see this catching on even if The Great Garfield himself were to endorse it.

Living with an IBD kitten/cat who can't always get to "The Box" in time due to lack of bowel control, can be frustrating for humans. diana doesn't want to let Pandora go until we've found a solution to her problem - or a very understanding and determined person who's willing to live with "accidents" until the right diet or diet/medicine combo can be found to resolve the issue, even if it means higher priced, specialized diets.

Despite living with a disease Pandora can't enjoy having any more than diana enjoys going through cases of disinfectant wipes and disposable puppy training pads each month, Pandora is a typical, playful, curious and sweet little kit. Being a pragmatic dude, I know there's a possibility Pandora might never get "fixed up" - then again, we may stumble upon the solution and we'll all be meowing our purrsonal rendition of that "God is Great…" song!. Lots of trial and error food experiments in our future, but hey, I'm an adventurous guy - bring it on!

I'm proud to say we cats are a stubborn lot and don't easily give up on our goals. diana isn't as stubborn as a cat - she's handicapped, being a mere human, but despite that, she's not too shabby when it comes to determination. To learn more about IBD and feline nutrition, diana recommends these web sites (they have my approval as well):
www.catinfo.org
www.catnutrition.org
http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=1+1322&aid=304

The Fab Five, Antonio, and our Crazy kitkins wish everyone a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. Send turkey *meows*!

Visit The Fab Five and diana at http://www.geocities.com/newagecatcare. diana is a pet sitter in Carroll County, MD; Vice President of the Howard County Cat Club, a 501(c)(3) non-profit, no-kill cat rescue/adoption agency http://www.howardcountycatclub.org; freelance pet photographer, and Catnip Chronicles columnist and consultant.