To fully enjoy this trans-Atlantic "pen-paw" relationship, you need to know about the friends:

Tahash (it’s pronounced Ta’ha sh) is an American cat living in New Jersey.
Ioda (sounds like "Yoda") is a French cat (le chat) living in France.
Kallie is Ioda's adopted sister.
Bastet is Ioda's and Kallie's adopted little sister.
Susan is Tahash's servant - from and living in New Jersey.
Louise, Ioda's and Kallie's keeper, is from New Jersey, but lives in France.

Dear Ioda,

Susanlady bought me a mountain!

Well, it's a scratching board that is on the long side of a right-angled triangular box (hope you are good at geometry). She calls it an Alpine Scratcher and Alpine really does mean mountain, right? So she did buy me a mountain - just in case you thought I was pulling your tail.

At first, I couldn't figure it out, so I used it backwards, standing on the board facing downwards. When Susanlady started to laugh, I knew I'd better rethink my technique. Anyway, it's fun and develops your leg muscles and is almost (not quite) like scratching the back of the sofa! It also has a little hole from which I can get to a punching ball that swings back and forth when I try to catch it. There are little pictures of cats dressed in Swiss mountain-climbing costumes on it. Is that what I'm supposed to wear when I use this new cat jungle gym? Do I meyowdel at the top? I'd better ask our friend Lauralady who lives in Geneva.

Best meows, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

I guess if a cat cannot go to Switzerland, she can bring Switzerland to her! But when you said "a mountain," I first imagined something tall and pointy, not an inclined board with corrugated cardboard! Can edelweiss grow on that? And I'll bet it's not half so delightful as Mme L's golden-upholstered armchair! I should say it WAS upholstered. Now, one might call it shredded. She has a friend who's going to make a new cover for it, and she has been wondering out loud (that's how I know humans wonder) how to convince ME that some other object might be preferable for manicures. I bet she'd go for your mini-Alp and would think it would do the trick, but I know better.

Catlaughs, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Uh oh, don't tell your wondering human THIS! Someone brought Susanlady grapefruit scent room spray. She loves it. I hate it. When I move the sheet in order to get a good scratch on the mattress, she sprays this grapefruit thing, and I go running. Yuck! Do they make this product in la douce France? I hope not for your sake, because you would never want to go near a grapefruit perfumed chair, but the humans around wouldn't mind.

Sniffingly, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

We cats may not care for grapefruit, but catnip is another kettle of fish (hm, is that what they call a mixed metaphor?). The health practitioner Mme L saw recently recommended some herb teas to her for digestion: melissa, camomille and…catnip! Imagine - for a human! She's bought the melissa, but not the camomille (she doesn't like it, despite that story she used to read to her children about some rabbit who over-ate), and not the catnip either, because she doesn't know its botanical name. However, if I smell any brewing in our house, I'll let you know, and you can come over.

Catkisses, Ioda

Chère Ioda,

Susanlady has looked on the Internet, and guess what! Catnip is cataria, i.e., cataire in French. That sounds like cat-air, so it makes sense, doesn't it? Make sure it gets on the grocery list in your house.

I'm a little bored, so I'll be over soon. I have magic red sneakers to come running with. I fell asleep on my Kliban cat pillow and woke up with people feet! Here's a picture, plus another one of me with my toys, but don't share it with all our Cataria Chronicalae readers (that is the botanical name of this felizine!), because they'll all be wanting to come over and play, and our apartment isn't that big. Or do you think I should invite them anyway?

Catlove, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

Meowee! I just got a present in the mail! Supposedly it was for Mme L's birthday, but it's really for ME. It's three alpaga wool micies with little ribbons on their necks. And with these stuffed woolies, there's a bag of-you guessed it-cataria! Of course, NOW we know what that is! You're supposed to rub the toy in the catnip and then toss it to whomever…well, me, naturally. As for inviting our readers, that's up to you, but I'm not sure I even want to share my play-mice with Kallie and Bastet. I'm glad they can't read. Our column = classified.

Your picture is great, but why did you write a sign saying "cat toy box"? Is that so that Susanlady will know where to put your toys? One can never overtrain a human.

Your purrsonal friend, Ioda

Chats with Le Chat Gourmet (click here), by Susan Marx and Louise Thunin-Domaratius, is a cross-cultural cat book cum easy-French-cookbook (for people!) all in one. Feline penpals exchange e-mails across the Atlantic: Ioda, born in Paris, is a black "allée" cat, while Kelly Kat Katz is a Jewish-Irish (vive la diversité!) American cat in New Jersey.