Clara Wersterfer

Waitstaff and Housekeeping staff needed for Clowder of 10 Cats

Qualifications

Must absolutely and with out reservations love and adore cats. Have no social life. Should not have any friends as strangers upset the cats, causing them to run and hide.

Duties

• Must be available 24/7 at any hour.
• Meals to be served two times a day and snacks on demand, especially at bedtime.
• Litter pans to be emptied and deodorized twice daily.
• Beds to be kept clean and dry. Pillows covered with towels. (Fresh weekly)
• In case of rain, bedding must be moved inside immediately. Cats do not like anything wet except drinking water.
• Water bowls cleaned and fresh water twice daily.
• At least one or two cats brushed daily.
• Nails trimmed monthly.
• Flea and heartworm meds applied monthly.
• Annual visits to veterinary clinic with irate cat in carrier screaming every inch of the way while banging on cage.
• Kitty treat on pillow nightly.
• Kisses and hugs given as time permits.

Salary depends on ability to withstand being ignored, abused, dirty looks, yelled at, and awakened by meows, screeching, and yowling.

The person you will be replacing is planning an extended vacation to a deserted island where there are no cats, so don't count on her for relief. She won't be available to take your call. You will be totally on your own.

Only those who really, really, really need a job should apply. Think long and hard before calling the number listed, as you may be the only caller, and if you are, you will be hired automatically.