To fully enjoy this trans-Atlantic "pen-paw" relationship, you need to know about the friends:

Tahash (it’s pronounced Ta’ha sh) is an American cat living in New Jersey.
Ioda (sounds like "Yoda") is a French cat (le chat) living in France.
Kallie is Ioda's adopted sister.
Bastet is Ioda's and Kallie's adopted little sister.
Susan is Tahash's servant - from and living in New Jersey.
Louise, Ioda's and Kallie's keeper, is from New Jersey, but lives in France.

Dear Ioda!

Am I becoming human?

I have always prided myself on eating only cat food. Since I am a cat. Well, tonight I actually meowed to lick out the tuna fish can.

And last night. You would not believe it. I started licking the margarine off Susanlady’s English muffin. She said I was ruining her muffin, so she gave me the tub of margarine. And do you know what? I ate it straight from the container. Just a few licks, though, not the whole tub. I do need to watch my catesterol.

Tahash

Chère Tahash,

I don’t think a cat loses face by licking out a tuna can. Actually, tuna is genuine catfood that Humans have taken possession of. As for margarine, I read in the Catster’s that it is “a butterlike product made of refined vegetable oils.” Well, we are not vegetarians, are we? But “butterlike” makes it OK, I would say. So, enjoy! Come to think of it, your mistress was a bit out of line to tell you you were ruining her muffin! Doesn’t she know how to share? You could try and train her. I’ve given up on mine, though, I daresay. Thankless task.

Catlove, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Well, I know how to share, but Susanlady doesn’t. I often tell her to come eat with me out of my dish, but she always declines.

The other day, she told me something odd. That museum where she hangs out is moving their library, and she saw huge orange plastic boxes on which they had marked CAT. Can you imagine transporting cats in those boxes? Where would they come from? I can imagine rodents in a library, but cats? I was telling Susanlady no one would ever catch me in an orange plastic box, and she laughed in my face. She said it meant those boxes contained books that need to be catalogued! (Whatever that means)

Tahash

Chère Tahash,

I am laughing too. If there were cats in the cartons, the whole world would know about it. Meeeeoooooww! I think that in one of my future eight lives, I will become a librarian, because I know how to CAT a log! You unsheathe your claws and dig into the bark. That is, “bark” as in tree and not “bark” as in dog.

Catnips, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Susanlady has become a quotation maniac. I hope it is not catching. At any rate, she found one recently she felt she had to share with me. This is it: “A cat is more intelligent than people believe and can be taught any crime” (Mark Twain). Is this smearing us or not? I don’t know what to think. Obviously we are intelligent. But that does not mean we are delinquents.

Tahash

Chère Tahash,

“Who profits by the crime?” heh heh! I am actually contemplating a very interesting crime, and I didn’t need any teacher to figure it out, either! I want to steal food from the refrigerator. I have two willing accomplices: Kallie (who is strong) to get the door open and Bastet (who is wary) to stand guard. I am the Brains of the Operation, naturally. If you want to come over and help, you can join us. We’ll organize a slumber party in the living room, once we have eaten our fill.

Yours, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Oh, thank you, I accept! Sleeping with three other cats would certainly be more of a blast than sleeping with Susanlady, who kicks in her sleep. I think I’ll get her a gift certificate to a spa for Valentine’s Day. To relax her. That’s “spa” with lower-case letters, not S.P.A. The Society for the Protection of Animals would never take her!

Tahash

PS PLUS she did something strange this week. She dumped the used litter from my litter box behind her car tires to give them traction in the snow. Now the whole driveway smells (of me), thanks to Susanlady. Hmm, at least any other cats will know it’s MY place!

Chère Tahash,

This is BASTET writing you. I am fed up with Kallie, who attacks me every morning for FUN, or so she claims. Like, “Let’s play at fighting!” But she tears out my fur. It FLIES! And Ioda (your friend, Ioda) is no help at all! And yet, SHE is a black belt. Or should I say a “black coat,” since her fur’s black all over. So no one dares go near her. I am thinking of taking martial arts lessons to become a JudoKat. A gray belt at the least. Ioda, however, refuses to teach me. Can’t you convince her?

Browbeaten sighs, Bastet

Dear Bastet,

No no no. Fighting can be fun, but NOT when she tears out your fur. What is with Kallie? Ah! Maybe she thinks you are a mouse, because you’re gray. Tell her that not everything gray is to be attacked. Hide in a closet, when Kallie looks like she wants to pick a fight. And I promise, I’ll have a word with Ioda. In the mean time, lie low and watch your back. Good luck!

Catlove to all, Tahash

Chats with Le Chat Gourmet (click here), by Susan Marx and Louise Thunin-Domaratius, is a cross-cultural cat book cum easy-French-cookbook (for people!) all in one. Feline penpals exchange e-mails across the Atlantic: Ioda, born in Paris, is a black "allée" cat, while Kelly Kat Katz is a Jewish-Irish (vive la diversité!) American cat in New Jersey.