To fully enjoy this trans-Atlantic "pen-paw" relationship, you need to know about the friends:

Tahash (it’s pronounced Ta’ha sh) is an American cat living in New Jersey.
Ioda (sounds like "Yoda") is a French cat (le chat) living in France.
Kallie is Ioda's adopted sister.
Bastet is Ioda's and Kallie's adopted little sister.
Susan is Tahash's servant - from and living in New Jersey.
Louise, Ioda's and Kallie's keeper, is from New Jersey, but lives in France.

Dear Ioda,

Have you ever heard that phrase, " imitation is the sincerest form of flattery " ?

I should be flattered! Susanlady got her nails done today, and she got "gels." She now has long, strong nails, just like my claws. Hmm, maybe she does have claws now. They are much better than nails for scratching my back, my head, and behind my ears. I hope she never fight-scratches me, though. I had better be on my best behavior.

Yours, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

Does Susanlady also shed like we do? I mean, now and then I drop the old, outer casing of my claw, which has renewed itself underneath. Like snakes drop their skins, I guess (I have never actually met a snake, even if I'm an indoor-outdoor cat). And if Susanlady sheds, will the claw "skin" that falls off be colored by this gel thing? That would be quite something. One could bat a human claw case around and play with it. So, am I hallucinating a little here, or what? You know, "Ioda in the skyyyyy with diamonds"!

Dreamily, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Susanlady does not shed her claws, but she does pay to get them filled in every three weeks. She sheds her dry skin, however. And when she does, I help her lick it off. I think catlicks are much better than moisturizing cream. Susanlady just said that she agrees.

Where can I find this skyyyyy with the diamonds in it? I hallucinate all the time. Usually about mice, which causes me to run across the room and then sit poised to pounce.

Best meows, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

I've done a little rewriting. Mme Louise is nostalgic about this song and told me the words, but I prefer my own:
Picture yourself on a pad by the window,
With tunafish trees and Purina skies.
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly (that line didn't need to be changed!)
A cat with kaleidoscope eyes.
IODA in the skyyyy with diamonds…
repeat till you take off on your "trip" - which can be intensified by having some of my favorite drug : LSD (it stands for Long Supper-Dinner).

So, our humans never seem to stop getting themselves done over. Mine is getting the roots of her fur re-tinted. I'm happy I'm a cat. No trips to the hairdresser and no one can see how old we are! We can be kittens for life.

Catlove, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

I have been reading a self-help psychology book. Do you think the reason I do not talk is because my birth catmother did not speak to me? What did I do in my kittenhood to cause her not to speak to me? And now, this Susanlady of mine talks TOO much. Talk talk talk. Maybe that is why I sleep all day.

Long live peace and quiet! Tahash

Chère Tahash,

I can see you are purrplexed here. I do agree that your kittenhood trauma of having a catmama that didn't meow to you has made you mute. And that explains why you chose Susanlady for a human-catmother; it's called compensation! Yes, a little time on the divan helps us clear up a lot of the issues we have. I wonder if I was fed properly in my earliest moments, because I seem to be a bit of a compulsive eater.

Catnips, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

I have come up with an additional thought after meditating all afternoon (if I say "sleeping," Susanlady will just call me 'lazy cat'). Those traumatic two weeks in the cat shelter, with all those wild cats running around screeching, made me take a vow of silence, because I never ever want to be like them. So my "cat got your tongue?" syndrome is over-compensation.

As for your compulsive eating, it seems that as we grow older, we just become more of what we are. And you have always liked your food, right? How is that for pearls of wisdom from the mouth of a feline?

Catgrins from the wisecat, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

Thanks for your pearls, and as for divans, I love them, but I will not seek a catalyst - I mean an analyst. I don't think Dr. Freud intended that for us. Mme L can have her dreams, and I will have mine. And she needn't tell me hers, although I believe she sometimes dreams about ME. Just between us, I never dream about her, just about what's for dinner!

Catlove, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

One last question for you, before we call it quits for this month! WHY does Susanlady speak to me in babytalk? I am not a baby; I passed my sixth birthday in June. Understanding humanspeak is enough of a problem as it is. But this coo coo goo gooing with all the cute little sounds is driving me meshuga.

At my wits'end, Tahash

Hey Tahash,

Meshuga, meshuga! Cats that speak Yiddish must be very gifted. All I know how to say is meOY. Kallie speaks ancient Greek, seeing as how her name is really Kalos (Divine Beauty). Bastet has had trouble integrating ancient Egyptian and understanding she is named for a great cat goddess, but I think she is finally getting it. I can tell from the sheen on her coat. As for me, I can understand, "Ioda, you are gorgeous!" in both English and French.

Bilingually yours, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

First of all, the word meshuga means crazy in both Hebrew and Yiddish. So, my catmother treats me like a baby, and now you call me crazy. I'm going into the bedroom to sulk on my purrpad.

'til next month, Tahash

Chats with Le Chat Gourmet (click here), by Susan Marx and Louise Thunin-Domaratius, is a cross-cultural cat book cum easy-French-cookbook (for people!) all in one. Feline penpals exchange e-mails across the Atlantic: Ioda, born in Paris, is a black "allée" cat, while Kelly Kat Katz is a Jewish-Irish (vive la diversité!) American cat in New Jersey.