To fully enjoy this trans-Atlantic "pen-paw" relationship, you need to know about the friends:

Tahash (it’s pronounced Ta’ha sh) is an American cat living in New Jersey.
Ioda (sounds like "Yoda") is a French cat (le chat) living in France.
Kallie is Ioda's adopted sister.
Bastet is Ioda's and Kallie's adopted little sister.
Susan is Tahash's servant - from and living in New Jersey.
Louise, Ioda's and Kallie's keeper, is from New Jersey, but lives in France.

Dear Ioda,

There is something in our household that I cannot figure out, and it all stems from boxes. First, there's that big box in the living room-you know, the shining one with the human voices-Susanlady listens to it, but she doesn't talk to it. The only time there is a live human voice in our apartment is when she talks to me. Therefore, I assume that any time I hear her voice, it is directed at me. There's no one else.

And yet, every once in a while, I do hear her voice, but she is not talking to me. She talks to a small, black box. I of course come running, because talk means "talking to the cat," and I sit next to her, awaiting our conversation.

But she is not talking to me! I don't understand. She keeps on talking and talking and doesn't even seem to understand why I am there listening and looking at her. Sometimes I bonk that little box to get her to pay attention to me, but she doesn't get it. This talking to the small box can go on for a long time. What's up? Is there someone IN there? Does your catmother exihibit this same odd human behavior?

Bewildered, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

I do understand your distress. Mme Louse also tends to listen to the shining box without ever replying a thing to it (although on occasion she will make a remark to monsieur François, while it is yacking at them). As for the small, black apparatus that first catches her attention by making tootling noises, she spends an inordinate amount of time with that toy, too. If it is my dinnertime, then I walk circles around her and generally try to get her attention, with only a minimum of success. This is something she appears addicted to. She'll talk for a while, then stop, then start in again. I am also a small, black thing, but I do not ring or tootle, and she never spends as much time talking to me as she does to that dumb piece of hardware.

Isn't a cat more interesting? Shouldn't we get equal time? Or even MORE time, being cuddly and warm and charming and mischievous and ALIVE?

Go figure! Ioda

Dear Ioda,

My friend Falafel in Las Vegas is a cat-stitch ! Yesterday, Susanlady was talking to the small, black device-again!-to her catmom). Aunt Lauralady told Susanlady this story: Falafel's dish was empty and everyone in the household was asleep. Going into her catparents' room is a "no-no." So she sat mournfully looking at her empty dish, then at her dogbrother, Kipper. She was so hungry and sad that Kipper felt sorry for her. He jumped onto the bed and rolled around until everyone was thrown to the floor!

Result : they got up and fed Falafel.

Smart cat, this Falafel. Getting the dog to do her dirty work!

Catgrins, Tahash

Hi Tahash!

I think this canine is too smart for its own pants, and basically, he's a good friend to your catpal. However, do you think we should write about him in our column? Isn't that making a dog look awfully good? Do we really want to do this? We've got to think it over. This is Catnip Chronicles, not Dogfood Chronicles.

Yours in feline fellowship, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

It shows the superiority of the cat, who added a new member to her staff! She sat there and grinned, while the dog got the work done! In the ideal world, dogs will be subservient to cats, just as humans have learned to be!

Despite this, I have to tell you something. Susanlady is going on vacation again! She's going over to your side of the big pond. She is a determined person and much stronger than I am, so there's no dissauding her. Annlady will come in, and she has promised me many play sessions. But the nights are going to be lonely. Maybe you and I can share catdreams. We have mental telepathy, non?

Yours, Tahash

Tahash!

Do not let Susanlady leave! Do not let her go! Keep her in that apartment! I want to be able to write to you. And if go she must, get her at least to leave on the computer. Remember, we go bonkers on the buttons and get it to work? We explained that to all our catreaders in our last column. Now you have a chance to practice. Otherwise, we might try corresponding via carrier pigeon. But Kallie must be left out of it, because she would eat the pigeon AND the message.

Catlove, Ioda

Chère Ioda,

The computer is on! I have been receiving messages from Susanlady (Annlady reads them to me)! She has sent some pictures, too! She wants me to share them with you and with all our Chroncles readers, so here goes!

Look at this one. I love this sign. No dogs allowed. It was by a beach in Normandy, France. I guess this beach is only for cats. If this is the case, Susanlady really should've taken me along. I think I would like playing and sunning myself on a beach.

And look at this one. What a lucky Norman cat! No, the cat's name isn't Norman; it just lives in Normandy. It lives in an apartment like I do, and it also has a windowsill perch, but when this cat sits on the windowsill, it sits OUTSIDE, not inside. I want an outside perch too!

Catlove, Tahash

Chats with Le Chat Gourmet (click here), by Susan Marx and Louise Thunin-Domaratius, is a cross-cultural cat book cum easy-French-cookbook (for people!) all in one. Feline penpals exchange e-mails across the Atlantic: Ioda, born in Paris, is a black "allée" cat, while Kelly Kat Katz is a Jewish-Irish (vive la diversité!) American cat in New Jersey.