To fully enjoy this trans-Atlantic "pen-paw" relationship, you need to know about the friends:

Tahash (it’s pronounced Ta’ha sh) is an American cat living in New Jersey.
Ioda (sounds like "Yoda") is a French cat (le chat) living in France.
Kallie is Ioda's adopted sister.
Bastet is Ioda's and Kallie's adopted little sister.
Susan is Tahash's servant - from and living in New Jersey.
Louise, Ioda's and Kallie's keeper, is from New Jersey, but lives in France.

Dear Ioda,

What in the world do I need this dumb collar for? I’ve been having the itchies, so Susanlady brought me home a white collar with a metal strip that shines in car headlights. Maybe she thinks she’ll find me more easily in the dark if I have this. But she’ll need a car in the apartment or, at the least, a flashlight! All right, I won’t complain, because I have not scratched all afternoon. But I don’t think that’s because of the metal strip. It must be a magic collar.

Catlove, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

Your collar is like Kallie’s! She is the only one of us three cats who will wear one. That’s just as well, because she’s also the one who’s the most at risk. Bastet’s a homebody, and I’m retired. One day, Mme Louise brought home three collars, but only one had glow-in-the-dark patches. It was the last of its kind in stock. She assigned it to Kallie, since she’s the one who travels around the neighborhood. She still has it on. Bastet’s and mine were cheesy, so we soon tore them off! None was to repel fleas, though. For that, we get a special liquid rubbed into the fur of our necks at certain intervals that only our humans know. We are exempted in winter; French fleas hibernate in winter, I guess!

Catnips, Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Ah, so the collar was to chase away fleas? I thought Susanlady was expecting me to glow in the dark, but I don’t.

She traveled to Southern India, but is back now. She is very busy putting her photographs onto an Internet gallery for me to look at (and for her friends, too). I enjoy the ones with cats. She bought a glass of milk for a hungry-looking kitten at a tea stand in a city called Madurai. She’s really not a bad sort (Susanlady, I mean; the kitten too, naturally).

In Cochin, which is on the sea, she saw a lot of fishermen with nets and also stands that sell lots and lots of fish. The local cats hang around, waiting from some free lunch. You think she’d have brought me one single fish back? No, I get a collar from the pet store, but no fish from her trip! Maybe she was afraid the Customs people would confiscate it (for their own cats). She did buy a sardine for a Cochini cat who was waiting by one of the fish stands. He looks kind of skinny to me, so I’m really glad he got something good for dinner.

Tahash

Chère Tahash,

Did Susanlady visit the Tahash-mahal? (Mme Louise made me put that in. She thinks she’s so funny). She looked at your mistress’s photos, at the hungry cats, and was reminded of what her friend the Swami said. He told her that Indians laugh at us pampered Western cats and say we have “great karma,” since we have such easy lives. Mme L pointed out to him that house pets may live the life of Riley, but not all cats do. Well, those probably have something to make up for from a previous life, ha ha (as if we didn’t already have NINE)!

My mistress went on a trip too, but just a few days. A nice lady, Mme Marguerite, stayed here and also her husband, Daniel. Daniel is about the dumbest human being I have ever laid eyes on. Want to know why? In the morning, he would be the first up, and he would come downstairs and fill our three dishes with kitty litter (that nice, ecological kind) and then wonder why we weren’t eating our “dry food.” DUHHH. At least he did not put the Purina pellets in the litter box, sigh. That would have made quite a nice, big dish, though, I must say.

Ioda

Dear Ioda,

Tell your Mme L that those Cochini cats were pretty well fed, with all those fish around. And Susanlady found a nice man who even shared some of his samosa with the local cats. I’ll bet there are no mice in Cochin!

Regarding last week, when your madame and your monsieur were away, HOW ON EARTH did you get fed? Cats can’t survive on kitty litter! (even though our humans may need it for us to survive in their houses…).

Tahash

Chère Tahash,

Not to worry. Mme Marguerite figured out what was wrong. We meowed at her till she got the picture! Monsieur Daniel was already off to work, and anyway, he really does not speak meow. Not everyone is gifted in languages.

At least I got my veggies (as they say — does no one eat vegetables any more?). Mme L has a house plant in her living room with the tastiest leaves! I’m not sure what it is, but I am quite compelled to nibble on it from time to time. It is not catnip. But I am a cat, and I nip at it, so maybe it is after all. Do you also help with indoor pruning as I do?

Catlove, Ioda

Ioda, Ioda, Ioda!

You need to be very careful of what you eat! There are many plants that are poisonous for us. Well, that’s what my mistress says. How should I know? I am a house cat. Susanlady says you can find a list on the Internet, but I figure you know what you are doing. She says don’t eat the Christmas poinsettia (if you have one)!!!! DANGER.

Best whiskers for good health, Tahash

Chère Tahash,

If this plant I nibble at were poisonous, I’d be a goner by now. Mme L never touches it, though, so maybe it would be poison for her? She eats lettuce, spinach, greens like that. I have NEVER seen her eat a house plant.

With tender catnips, Ioda

Chats with Le Chat Gourmet (click here), by Susan Marx and Louise Thunin-Domaratius, is a cross-cultural cat book cum easy-French-cookbook (for people!) all in one. Feline penpals exchange e-mails across the Atlantic: Ioda, born in Paris, is a black "allée" cat, while Kelly Kat Katz is a Jewish-Irish (vive la diversité!) American cat in New Jersey.